She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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