when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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