not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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