Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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