Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
