Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This baby is an asshole
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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