if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Terrible idea I love it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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