i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
