Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
