what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
