I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
