I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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