how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize