Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
