If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
