Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
