Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
