On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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