The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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