i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize