Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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