If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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