I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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