I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
