i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
