I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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