I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
