she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
