Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
