Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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