please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
