scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
