We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's get the cat blown out
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
