If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
