Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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