Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
