I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
