Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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