she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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