we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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