You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
