wanna go halves on a baby?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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