Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
