If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
