We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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