I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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