i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Everyone says I win the strip club
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
