Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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