Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Randomize