Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
