The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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