You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Pooping to opera.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
