Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
