as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize