But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
where are my eyebrows?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
