When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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