So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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