Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
