I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You are a genius and a whore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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