I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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