My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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