You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
