I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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