just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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