Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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