rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
