Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
