i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
