god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
