I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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