I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
