Yo dont text me then not text me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
