when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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