"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
