the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
