my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
