you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
