I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
