I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
