apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize