pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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