i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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